Rebirthing Myself

I have mentioned before that I am currently at a potential turning point in my life. I have the opportunity to reinvent myself, to allow a rebirth of my essential nature to take place. As with many things that are deeply spiritual, it is easier for me to mention things it is not, rather than what I believe this rebirth is: I know it is not about staying in the same routines that got me where I am today. I believe it was Einstein who said that doing the same things over and over again, but expecting a different result, is the definition of insanity.

I want an awakened life, but I am not entirely clear on how that will be manifested. I have come to realize that this doesn’t mean that life will be any easier or more magical. It may be, but that isn’t the point. To me, the point of this adventure is to be as transparent as I can possibly be to the Will of God/dess. How do I do that? How does anyone do that? One of life’s biggest questions!

I watched the amazing movie, “I AM” this weekend. One of my takeaways from this film is the idea that I need to approach my life with a different set of questions than I ever have previously. I certainly want to be happy, but should that be the focus of my questioning (as in, “What should I do to be happy?”). If I accept the idea that true happiness comes from union with the Divine, then my real question becomes “How do I take these gifts and skills I have and use them to make life better for others?” or even “How do I express the Love that I Am with what I have been given?”

I have to find my own path of service. This isn’t as easy as it may sound. You see, I have previously balked at the phrase, “a life of service,” because I remember being burned out by helping others when I was younger. I thought a life of service meant that you gave everything you could to anyone who asked it of you. Even just giving of myself to those who appeared to have an honest need was enough to set myself up for abuse. It took me a very long time to come back to myself, from that time in my life. To be honest, I have absolutely no desire to ever return to that feeling of being utterly depleted. I am wiser now, though. As I have learned more about people and spirit in general, I have become aware that different kinds of service come naturally to different types of people.

One of the ways I have come to this conclusion is through studying a bit of the Burkino Faso numerological Wheel. When I find my place on the wheel, I see that I am a Fire person. I am not an Earth person who sustains others, even to his or her own detriment. Trying to live from a place that is not mine will deplete and damage me more assuredly than anything else. Instead, I serve from a place of Fire. My source is the ancestors and the dream winds. A part of me has always known this. When I first read this idea, it immediately resonated with me and gave me a sense of peace. Again in my life, I find reassurance that my role is to walk between the worlds, to translate from one reality to another.

My next question then, is how to incorporate this insight into the change I am about to make?

I don’t yet know the answer, but I am working on it. I have recently started including time in my meditation ritual for letting the universe know that I am ready to move on to a new job, and that I need help in finding my way. I say it out loud, “I am ready to change jobs, and I need help finding my way.” You wouldn’t think that saying it aloud would be that different from the internal dialogue, but WOW. It certainly is! The first time I did this meditation, I was amazed at the immediate and powerful sense of joy and peace that washed back over me. I am convinced that this is exactly what I needed to do to bring the universe to my aid.

I believe that my next step is to keep my awareness open to any possibility that comes my way, keeping my eyes open for synchronicities and unusual occurrences. I don’t want to miss a wonderful opportunity because it isn’t what I was expecting!

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2 thoughts on “Rebirthing Myself

  1. When I was making space for a life partner, I was told a similar thing, Didi. Keep your eyes open! Little did I know he would show up in a slouchy hat, sitting next to me on the floor in a sacred circle, holding my hand throughout peoples’ stories of grief as I sobbed and sobbed. He was my physical and energetic link to the circle, and I felt empty when he wasn’t holding my hand.

  2. Such beauty and power in the story of your meeting. Thank you for sharing it! I have no idea what is coming my way, but I think I am on the right track, since several red-winged blackbirds alit in trees just ahead of my passing them on my way in today. Messenger birds, you know!

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