A little over a week ago, I was driving into work and saw two unusual (for me) sightings. First, a coyote crossed the road in front of me, pausing at the halfway point to look right at me on his way to the farmer’s field on the other side of the road. It had been years since I had seen a coyote, and with the shamanic training I have been doing, I was pretty confident that this did not bode well for the day. The energy of Coyote is that of the trickster. He always works for the highest good, but it is almost never pleasant. He pokes and pricks the ego, forcing us to deal with uncomfortable situations or feelings, or even putting us in a position where we have to move forward on something we’d rather avoid. Definitely not fun!
I was feeling all angsty as I thought about this, when I looked up and saw a hawk flying in my general direction. I see hawks a lot more often than coyotes, but this one landed on a telephone pole next to the road. I slowed way down and watched him watch me as I drove past. Once I was beyond the pole, he took off in the same general direction as the coyote. My immediate reaction was that this was a followup message to the warning from Coyote. Hawk was reminding me that I could get through what was coming my way. I just needed to remember to trust in the bigger picture.
Needless to say, I was feeling pretty uncomfortable by the time I arrived at work. I spent a few minutes in my car, meditating and listening to the birds in the nearby prairie, settling into my center before I went into the building. Within two hours of seeing coyote, I was called into a meeting with my boss where he let me know that, as the Brits would say, I was being made redundant. I like the sound of that so much better than saying that I was being laid off, and in this case, it was also more accurate. I am being replaced, and so I truly am being made redundant. Although we had agreed a while back that I would be leaving, no date was set and I guess I thought I would have more time to find the next step on my journey. This was my notice that the time was now.
The details of this are mostly irrelevant. However, I feel this whole period in my life is a part of a transitional time for me. A frequent sign of the shift is supposedly leaving behind jobs, people and situations that no longer serve your highest good. I have been lagging my feet in this regard, in spite of mostly embracing change. I guess I wanted to grow, but didn’t want to be too uncomfortable in the process! Silly me. I should have remembered a favorite quote from George Sand (from the novel, Mauprat), when she reminds us all that “No change, even from bad to good, can be accomplished without pain.” You get to a point in the transition process when you simply have to let go of what was, even if you kick and scream while doing so. I know this intellectually, so why is it so darned hard sometimes to live from this truth?
I have been chewing on this ever since I was given a transition date (yes, that is the phrase he used), and I think the Divine is trying to answer me, if I will only listen. I want so much to understand what is going on, to retain a little speck of control in this otherwise chaotic time in my life, even if I know that control is illusory. That yearning for understanding may or may not help get me through the rough bits, but it is my nature to try to make sense of all that I see and to pass on any understanding I gain in whatever way I feel drawn to share. So, when repetitive information starts popping up, I see it as a sign from the Universe that the conversation is not one-sided, and we are indeed in a dialogue; In the last several days, I have been surrounded with messages about change and transcendence.
The most mundane example of these messages is related to a conversation I had with my adult daughter about how I feel I normally deal pretty well with whatever life sends my way, but that I am feeling a bit out of my depth at the moment. We both love gaming, so I suppose I shouldn’t be too surprised that we simultaneously used the phrase “level up.” In gamespeak, this is when your character gets enough points and experience to get bumped up to the next level in the game. The beginning of any level always seems more challenging until you get the knack of it. Since my life has suddenly taken a sharp turn for “more challenging,” we decided that I must have leveled up. I simply need to get used to what the new level requires and I’ll be fine. I admit that the metaphor makes me smile.
Ironically, this morning, the same daughter shared a post with me on Facebook. It was a picture from a page she follows with the phrase “When life gets harder, you must have just leveled up.” She found it last night and thought the timing was perfect, so she had to tag me. It felt like a gentle reminder that this really is what is going on.
To complement this, just a few moments later, I saw a page I follow had posted about the symptoms of transmutation and ascension (How to Raise Your Vibration, by Sabrina Reber). The theory is that transition times are not comfortable. As we change, we go through a period of confusion, overwhelm, detoxification and anxiety. The author assures us that this is normal, even to be expected. It is simply manifestations of an adjustment period to the additional energies flowing into our lives. Needless to say, there is no set time frame for how long these periods might last, only the dubious comfort that they are temporary. According to Ms Reber, we can speed them up by embracing them instead of fighting them. Doing so will make the transition period more intense, but of shorter duration. Reiki, meditation and intention all play a role in escalating the process. This makes sense to me, and since I have almost always been one to embrace intensity, I actually find embracing the transition to be desirable. The discomfort is a price I am willing to pay in order to become more authentically me.
So, this last week or two has been a rough one for me emotionally, and explains my absence on the blogosphere. However, I do think that good things will come of it in the long run. After all, summer is upon us and that is my favorite season. Who knows? I may even get to enjoy this one! As an IT worker, it has been a very long time since I truly enjoyed summer, as that is when many projects are scheduled, in order to take advantage of the end user vacation absences. I have also come to accept that I need to reinvent myself to be happier on this turn of the wheel. “Reinventing” can be much more drastic than simply changing jobs, and it has taken me some time to find an emotional comfort level with that idea. I hadn’t realized it, but I had placed limits on what the next step could be for me, and that was leaving me feeling trapped. Now that I am consciously letting go of the limits I placed on myself, I am feeling a renewed commitment to be open to change and to embrace my most authentic self.
It is freeing, really. Scary, too. And exciting. Lots of conflicting emotions keep bubbling up, which is yet another symptom of transmutation. Go figure!